Anger Management Techniques For Children

My work in the child care industry and as an infant aquatic swimming instuctor regularly exposes me to child behavior problems. Not surprisingly this often involves angry children, so I’ve had plenty of opportunity to practice and hone my anger management techniques! It may sound simplistic but I’ve always found it best to approach this with a positive mental attitude. Before I share some techniques to help, I need to emphasise how important it is to listen to what your child has to say, since otherwise your efforts will be wasted.

You’ll also be a better role model for your child if you remain calm, since you’re showing them how to behave by example rather than shouting at them which achieves nothing. If you feel yourself getting angry or losing control, I suggest count to ten or close your eyes and take a deep breath, to avoid doing or saying something you may regret.

Here are some techniques I’ve found invaluable when dealing with anger management in children:-

Do some background detective work to help determine why your child is behaving this way and the triggers, looking for underlying issues etc. that you may be unaware of or have missed. Once you have identified the problem it will be much easier to reason with your child. Once you have identified what triggers their anger they can take responsibility and respond by letting you know they are upset and need time to themselves. This is really important as it shows them you also need your own space from time to time.
Take the approach of saying something that is clear and simple without assigning blame, for example “When I ask you to do something I get the impression that you think I am nagging at you. When you behave this way it makes me feel hurt and angry too.”
Investigate the problem and engage your child, helping them to resolve their problems by taking charge of their feelings and being responsible for their actions – this is where playing detective is invaluable since you’ll already have some idea of what the problem is.
Talk to your child honestly and openly and make them feel comfortable, explaining you are there to help them, encouraging them to express themselves. Let them be a part of the discussion as well. That way they will learn to be accountable and responsible for their own actions.
Now that you know the trigger, you need to challenge your child’s actions. Get them to communicate what happened and find out what triggered their reaction and why. Ask them what was different in this situation that caused them to get angry. Get them to explain what they could do differently next time to avoid or lessen their anger. This teaches your child there are ways to work things out and to overcome anger. If it is a younger child get them to tell you what’s wrong and what they can say/do to the other child to make them feel better.

I’ve always encouraged children to observe what they say so I recommend teaching your child to avoid saying things like “I am sorry”. Instead encourage them to say something like “it was wrong of me to push you off your bike. Next time I will ask you to move nicely”. If they are a younger child encourage them to say “I know I hurt you and next time I will use my words to express how I feel or I will say stop I do not like it and move away”.

It is important for them to focus on what they will do to make the situation better rather than focus on what they have done. This ensures they take action and control of their feelings.

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